The Cosmo Girl's Guide to Oral Sex

Here's everything you ever wanted to know about oral sex...including getting him to return the favor.

My boyfriend recently asked me to pay more attention to his balls when I give him a blow job. I do play with them, but I think he wants me to suck them, too. I've never heard of this. Do you have any advice?

Your guy's request is far from unusual. Sucking on his testicles can make for an incredibly sensational experience -- and you'll double his pleasure if you simultaneously fondle his shaft. Next time you're giving him south-of-the-border oral action, take a sexy detour and move your mouth from his main member to the rest of his package. Swirl the tip of your tongue around his scrotum -- the loose sac of skin that surrounds the testicles. Then, lick his balls with long, sweeping strokes as if you were savoring a delicious ice cream cone. Mix it up and intermittently purse your lips and suck softly on the skin or take each testicle all the way into your mouth. One overlooked hot spot you shouldn't ignore: his raphe (the vertical line in the middle of his scrotal sac). You'll make his toes curl if you feverishly flick it with your tongue.

Once you've worked him into a frenzy, switch back to sensuously licking his penis as you gently manhandle his balls. Some guys like it a little rough, but this can be a supersensitive area, so find out how hard he wants to be touched before applying more muscle. One tactical trick that's sure to send him reeling: Use your finger to gently rub his perineum (the nerve-packed patch of skin that is between his scrotum and his anus), and you're likely to launch him into orgasmic orbit.

I love giving my guy oral sex, but I don't like when he comes in my mouth. Can you give me sexy ways to end the session without swallowing?

While most guys find it incredibly erotic to watch a woman swallow their ejaculate, it doesn't increase the physical pleasure they experience. In fact, when the ending isn't so predictable -- as swallowing can sometimes be -- the encounter can be a lot more exciting. One way to give your man earth-shattering oral pleasure without having him come in your mouth is to finish him off manually. Next time you go down on him, ask him to signal you when he's about to climax so you can move your mouth from his member and stimulate him with your hands. Simulate his favorite oral sex moves; use your fingertip to massage his nerve-packed perineum as you simultaneously stroke his shaft with your other hand. Add some water-based lube, which resembles the warmth and wetness of your mouth, and you'll really make his head spin. But just because you move your mouth out of the line of fire, doesn't mean you can't continue to give him some tongue action. You'll send him right over the edge if you suck his balls and lick his raphe (the vertical line in the middle of his scrotal sac) as you manhandle him. When he finally does hit the big O, cup your hand over the head of his penis to catch his semen as he ejaculates.
Another way to send him into orgasmic bliss: Let him come on your chest. Start pleasuring him orally, and when he's close to climax put his penis between your breasts. (Amp up the heat factor by slathering your cleavage with lube.) Then, place your palms on either side of your breasts and push them together as he slides his shaft back and forth until he peaks.
Just remember, whether you swallow or not, sexually transmitted diseases can be transmitted through oral sex. So use condoms unless you and your partner have been tested and are STD-free.

My boyfriend wants me to give him oral sex, but he has a bad odor down there. I think the reason may be that he sweats a lot. I don't want to tell him and hurt his feelings. Help! I'm running out of excuses.

Every guy has his signature scent, but sweat can definitely turn your man's natural aroma a little sour. There's no easy way to approach hygiene-related odors, but if you want to eradicate the stench and add flavor to your sex life, your best bet is to talk with him.

Let him know that you want to discuss something that affects both of you. Timing is key, so bring it up during casual conversation -- not when you're about to get it on. You can start the conversation by saying something like, "I really want to go down on you, but you have a sweaty scent." Chances are, he'll agree to clean up his act rather than forgo oral action.

If you're too uncomfortable being that up-front with him, you can try a more subtle approach and deodorize your guy by seductively suggesting you take a shower or bath for two before you hit the sack. You'll wash away his lust-busting scent -- and work him into a lather of the hot and horny kind -- by sensuously massaging his genitals with soap and warm water. If he's uncircumcised, smegma, a cheesy substance that forms under the foreskin, may be the nose-offending culprit. So gently retract the foreskin when you clean around the glans (the head of his penis).

No matter who is going down on whom, the goal is to make it as pleasure filled as possible. But since hardly anyone talks about it, it's tough to get the good, juicy tips you need to make it mind-blowing. Well, at Cosmo we've never been afraid of doing the dirty work for you. So here are the best tricks for giving your guy lip lovin'. Oh, and some for you to pass along to him, so he gives as good as he gets.
"Invisible oral" can boost your pleasure.
A shocking number of women have trouble mentally letting go and enjoying oral. Sound like you? Try keeping the lights off so you can't see him. You'll have fewer distractions and be able to focus.
There's a gag-proof way to go deep.
Here's a trick that gives him the illusion that you're taking him all the way in: Place the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth. Then let his member hit the underside of your tongue.
You should have him at hello.
A Cosmo poll found that 34 percent of guys say they wish a girl would surprise them with oral when they walk in the door. Tell him to text you when he's almost home, then ambush him.
Suction isn't just for hickies.
Many women have complained to our experts that they have a hard time getting off while he's down south because their guy doesn't use enough pressure. Ask him to switch up his moves and try sucking on your clitoris instead—it provides a more intense pressure.

Your hands can take it to the next level.
One Cosmo sex poll found that guys say their favorite thing is when a woman uses her mouth and hands on their package at the same time. Stack one hand on top of the other on his shaft, and gently twist in opposite directions. At the same time, flick your tongue—like a snake—over the tip.
You're probably missing a spot.
Here's a secret erogenous zone that you should definitely hit while you're down there: Trail your tongue down his shaft to the area between his testicles and the base. Purse your lips together, and lightly suck on the patch of skin. It's packed with nerve endings, so any attention you give it will feel heavenly.
Multitasking leads to more Os for you.
Our experts say that being stimulated in multiple areas will help a woman reach climax more quickly. So while his tongue is at work, have him play with your nipples. In the beginning, he should softly stroke your tips, but as you get closer, he can squeeze.
69 isn't truly amazing until you've tried this.
Lie side-by-side, with your head near his penis. As you both lick, let your hands massage each other's booties—there are large muscles there, so rubbing them will make for an even greater release.
Cooling down can be very hot.
Your temperature rises slightly when you're aroused, so anything cool will be a pleasurable jolt to your senses. Point a fan in your direction so that while he's between your legs, you're feeling both warm from his mouth and a cool breeze. The combo is unexpected, and anything surprising can send you over the edge.
A vice-grip can be nice.
The ridge of his penis—where the tip meets the shaft—is very sensitive to touch. Cover your teeth with your lips, and place them around that ridge like a vice. Apply firm pressure—like how you squeeze fruit—then release and repeat. This movement perks up the nerves there and then lets them relax, which can feel really good.
Sometimes thinking dirty is a bad idea.
The primary reason women give sex therapists for not wanting their guy down there is they worry they smell. Your guy probably loves your aroma, but you can eliminate that concern by taking a quick half-shower before a date. You will feel much fresher and won't worry about a funky fragrance.
He wants to pretend he's a bike seat.
You don't have to be on your back when you're on the receiving end of oral. Have him lie down, and then put your privates over his mouth. This gives you some control over the pace and motion, making it easier for you to orgasm. And experts tell us it can be erotic for a man to have your coochie that up close and personal.
There's a digital version of oral.
Here's a unique way to give his frenulum—the tiny bump on the underside of his penis where the shaft meets the tip—some special attention: Place the tip of your finger on it, then take his shaft (along with your finger) into your mouth. As you move your mouth up and down, rub your finger over the F-spot.
Feast his eyes.
You probably already know that guys are extremely visual, but it can be hard for him to get a decent view while you're down there lavishing his penis with love. Place a standing mirror next to you so he can check you out. The combo of feeling and seeing you will blow (pun intended) his mind.

How to Persuade Him to Return the Favor...
If your guy doesn't always dive headfirst between your legs, it's time to drop a serious hint.
Get a Brazilian.
Men say landing strips make them want to spend time down there the most.
Conduct a taste test.
Pick up flavored lube samples, then tell your guy you want him to find out which tastes best on you.
Talk it up.
Since guys get off on getting you off, say "I can't stop thinking about the last time you went down on me."

My guy likes to be on top when we do 69, but I feel like I'm being choked. How can I make it more comfortable?

When your guy is on top during simultaneous oral sex, try pleasing him without taking his entire shaft in your mouth. Lick and kiss the head of his penis, or run your tongue up and down the length of the shaft paying special attention to the supersensitive frenulum -- the thin ridge on the underside of the penis. You'll launch his libido into the stratosphere if you use your hands to massage his testicles and perineum -- the nerve-packed patch of skin between his balls and his back door -- in conjunction with your mouth moves. You could also have your man hover over you on all fours -- with his knees by your ears -- instead of lying directly on top, which will give you more room to roam his hot spots. Although your guy likes to be on top, there are other 69 positions that can be just as mutually satisfying. Why not switch to the woman-on-top pose?The pleasure plus for you is being able to control the intensity of oral pressure against your clitoris by how hard you press against him. Or, try the side-by-side configuration: Lie on your sides, with your mouths directly in front of each other's genitals. Bend your top legs at the knee and put your feet flat on the mattress. Then you can rest your heads on the lower thigh. It make take some minor modifications before your bodies comfortably mesh, but the beauty of this position is being able to watch the other get off -- which can be mind-blowingly sexy.

My guy loves to give me oral sex, and I love it too. But I'm always a little self-conscious about how I taste down there. He doesn't seem to have a problem with it, but I was wondering if what I eat could affect the flavor?

It's widely believed that what you ingest can affect the smell and taste of your vaginal secretions. However, there's no surefire recipe to guarantee that you'll always taste scrumptious, because there's no scientific research on the subject — only anecdotal evidence. Plus, it depends on how your individual body chemistry reacts with what you eat.

Since your boyfriend loves pleasuring you, I'll bet he already digs your signature aroma and flavor. But, if you want to play it safe, stick to a diet with lots of vegetables, fruit, and whole grains, and try to avoid foods that affect your breath and body odor — such as garlic, asparagus, spices (like curry), and excess amounts of dairy and animal products — because they could have a similar effect on your secretions.

I love receiving oral sex, but my guy isn't very good at it. What can I do to improve his skills without hurting his feelings?

The only way to have a truly satisfying sex life is to let your guy know what does -- and doesn't -- turn you on. And, despite your fear of hurting his feelings, most men appreciate in-the-sack advice because knowing they're getting you off gets them off, too. So ask for what you want. That doesn't mean flat-out telling him that his oral techniques, well, suck. But, next time he's giving you some below-the-belt TLC, say something like, "It would feel so good if you'd lick me a little harder," or faster, or whatever the case may be. Or, you could suggest playing a sexy game of follow-the-leader. The rules: First, you go down on him using the kinds of tongue movements you'd like him to use on you. Then, when it's his turn, ask him to pleasure you the same way.You can also teach him how to please you by using body language. If you want more pressure, push your pelvis toward his mouth or nudge his head in closer; for less pressure, move slightly away from him or gently push his head back a little bit. If he isn't hitting the bull's-eye, make a V with your index and middle finger and place it around the spot you want him to lick. More ways to direct him with your digits: Pull back the skin on yourclitoral hood, which will encourage him to lavish attention on your clitoris, or cover it with your finger if it's too sensitive for direct contact.
Of course, it's just as important to clue him in when he's doing something right. So tell him when he makes a move that sends shivers up your spine. Just saying, "That feels sooo good," or letting out a satisfied moan willdo the trick. It shouldn't take him long to catch on. And when he does, there'll be a passion payoff for both of you.

If you were to rank booty moves by how blissful each feels, receiving oral sex would be in one of the top slots. Not only does this sex style let you lie back while your dude does all the work, but it's also an ultrapleasurable primer for intercourse...as well as a means to an O in its own right.

Still, too few women are getting the oral attention they desire. In fact, 62 percent of readers said they wished their guy treated them to it more often, according to a recent Cosmo poll.

What could be holding your man back? Although guys have told us that it's one of their favorite ways to please a woman, a dude may be afraid to ask for direction. Or perhaps you aren't letting him know that you really want oral sex. Also, young males can be selfish in bed, focusing on their own desires, says Linda Banner, PhD, a sex therapist in San Jose, California.

Now that you know why he may be a little tongue-tied, follow these seven tactics to get the pleasure you desire.

PLEASURE TACTIC 1: Speak Up
Telling your guy that you want more oral is a catch-22: Make too big of a deal out of it and he may conclude he comes up short in the sack, explains Jane Greer, PhD, a New York City marriage and family therapist. But if you beat around the, ahem, bush, he may not get the message at all. So when he presses his body against yours to signal he's ready for the main event, whisper "I'd be really heated up if you'd kiss me down below first." This assures him that his current moves satisfy you but shows you have one other need you'd like him to address.

PLEASURE TACTIC 2: Groom Your Girl Parts
Guys are visual, so trimming your pubic hair — or going full-monty Brazilian — may be the incentive to get him to linger between your legs. "Seeing a woman's privates so exposed is still taboo, so it's very exciting," says Daniel Amen, MD, author of Sex on the Brain. The sexy sight should make him want to explore orally, he says.

PLEASURE TACTIC 3: Stir His Competitive Side
Men are naturally competitive, says Banner. (After all, they are the inventors of beer pong.) So why not take advantage of his inability to resist a contest? Somewhere between a prebooty make-out session and foreplay, coyly say "I bet you can't make me climax using just your mouth." You'll practically feel his testosterone surge as he takes you up on your challenge.

PLEASURE TACTIC 4: Guide Him with Your Body
One reason he doesn't spend more time teasing your southern regions may be that he isn't sure what to do. A nonverbal sign or two as he's heading below the belt can be the hint he needs, says sexologist Jamye Waxman.

While he's kissing your naval, scoot your body up so your pelvis is closer to his mouth, then give his head a gentle push. Or frame your clitoris by making a V with two fingers so he can see where you want him to zero in.

PLEASURE TACTIC 5: Give Him the Right Vocal Cues
Being specific about what he does that makes you squirm will tell him how amazing his tongue is — a big ego boost for guys, says relationship and sexuality therapist Rebecca Rosenblat. A lusty "Right there, yes!" is positive reinforcement your guy will retain so he can treat you to it over and over.

Marriage - Using Sex As A WeaponMarriage - Using Sex As A Weapon

The marriage should be a wonderful facility. Two people in love, the sharing with others, make for each other, enjoying the life that they have to share. Certainly, you have made when it comes to change, as had something special between you. At least that is how it should be. So, why is it that whenever something goes wrong in the first line of attack is the bedroom and who's not sleeping and that evening?

It is not just a cliché. All too often, when there is a problem someone in the marriage, the first victims of the marriage, that is between the plates. One would think that if we really wanted to get back to your spouse what he or she did, they would cut off the food supply. After all is not that the quickest way to cause death, so that you do not have to go through a messy divorce?

The truth is, we use sex as a weapon, if there are problems in our marriage. But it is not only a weapon. It seems it is the only weapon. It is the first thing that crosses our minds when we are wrong. "No sex for you". Or, if we have the damage, "No sex for me". We know it and we expect that we fear him. It is as if we had cut off our life support, and we are on our last breaths. It makes you wonder why sex is the first thing that is hammered into the marriage.

Well, the answer is really very simple. As a species, we have a very strong urge to have sex. If you think that sex is not literally control our lives, at least when we are young, take a look at all the advertisements with the half naked women parading around the latest hawking body wash, or whatever it is. Take a look at the Miss Universe recently. The fact is, sex rules our lives. It is one of the main reasons why we marry, but most will not admit it. So, if there is a problem in the marriage, instead of trying to be closer and more intimate, in an attempt to remember why we love each other and want to cut ourselves and our spouses from the one thing that brings us closer than anything else Else.

Logically, it makes no sense. Emotionally, it makes sense, all in the world. If we are injured, we want to hurt back. We often look for the funds, which cause the most harm, without actually causing physical pain. Cut our spouses (not literally) is the first thing we think. Unfortunately, it is most effective.

Unfortunately, this is a cycle that is not yet at an end. The spouse beat back if they try to think the next best thing to deprive their significant others. And it goes on, and only so long, until it eventually spirals out of control.

Would not it be great if we could all just get together and make love?